


Love, and Other Random Encounters

by PerfidiousFate



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Experimental Style, M/M, Pining, Present Tense, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Indulgent, Timeline What Timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-18 02:28:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4689038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerfidiousFate/pseuds/PerfidiousFate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An intrepid hero…An exciting journey…The stakes have never been higher. Join the hero in his quest, and experience the adventure of the year! </p><p>(Or: in which Ray is hopelessly in love, hot chocolate is good when drinking with friends, and real life isn’t a video game no matter how much you want it to be.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love, and Other Random Encounters

**Author's Note:**

> This story was a long time in the making - at least since mid-2013! This is why the timeline is a little jumbled; I kept adding things or removing things, and the end result is pretty messy. It's definitely set before Ray left, though.
> 
> When I say it was a long time in the making, I hadn't been working on it all the time. Instead, I kept coming back to it, again and again, and I'm finally posting it more to get it out of the system than anything else. I hope you all do enjoy this weird little story, though! <3

**START GAME**  
ENTER: Player 1  
**Player 1 -- > **Ray Narvaez Jr.  
**CHANGE NAME TO -- > **BrownMan  
_Starting game...  
_ ENJOY!

 The plot of the game is this:

 The hero of the plot is Ray Narvaez Jr. The love interest is a man called Gavin Free. Gavin likes video games, cameras, terrible jokes and slow motion. Ray likes video games, cheap burgers, terrible jokes and Gavin.

 Liking Gavin doesn’t work out as well for him as he sometimes hopes. For instance: Ray likes men and women both, but while Gavin likes women, he only maybe likes men. If he does happen to like men, he would only maybe like one man in particular. And while Michael is Ray’s good friend, jealousy stings like a little bitch.

The plot of the game is this: a plucky hero! A tragic backstory! A gorgeous, funny, clever, outgoing love interest!

And at the end?

A dragon.

 **PICK CLASS -- >**  
_Awkward Wallflower_ w. specialization: _Video Game Guru_.  
**ARE YOU SURE?**  
_Awkward_ _Wallflower_ offers no natural advantage.  
(Hint: If you want the game to switch to EASY MODE, pick _Rage-Quitting Adorable Dork_ )  
CHANGE CLASSES -->  
#error  
#cannot change classes  
//you are what you are  
//you sorry son of a bitch  
**GOOD LUCK!**

 When Ray was six, his parents fought a lot. They’d scream at each other for hours at a time in a mix of two languages, and although they made sure that Ray was never made to feel that it was his fault, in his childish sorrow he blamed himself anyway. Every time he heard their voices, he’d feel as if he’d been stricken. So he’d hide beneath his blanket with a GameBoy and the music up high and pretend that he was Mario, or Link, or Samus. A hero. Or, really, anyone but a little boy with a family cracking apart at the seams.

What that little boy didn’t count on is the feeling of heroism being so addictive. He builds a life on it, this feeling.

 When Ray was seventeen and awkward, he found solace on the Internet. He watched stupid videos and laughed at stupid memes and spent his life coding games into his blood. And he found this stupid site he liked to go to, sometimes – a site by a company called Rooster Teeth. When he was seventeen and awkward, Ray liked to log on to Rooster Teeth and watch their videos and read their forums and post stupid journal entries, and at some point he started knowing a guy called Gavino.

 Well, he didn’t really know him. Gavino was funny and had a lot of friends, and was a prolific moderator. The actual Rooster Teeth guys knew him, so he was kind of a celebrity. If asked to describe him, Ray would mumble something about long blond hair and a British accent. This was, mind, before Ray met Barbara. Barbara, aka the hottest girl on the fucking planet who also happened to be awkward and funny and his friend, and who’s been friends with Gavin since they were both fifteen year olds. Over Skype, Barbara would sometimes tell Ray stories about Gavin, and in Ray’s mind Gavin grew a personality like a tumor: a sneaky smile and stupid jokes and sarcasm and a penchant for drinking.

But that’s not really knowing someone, is it?

When Ray was twenty and working relentlessly at a shitty job just to pay rent, and the feeling of heroism coursing through him whenever he picked up a controller, he decided to rescue himself. And so he bought a microphone and looked up YouTube tutorials on how to screen capture off his Xbox, and then he made himself some achievement guides.

 It took three years of grinding – sweat, blood and tears – for Jack Pattillo to send him a message asking him to call, and then Ray was getting paid. Level up, bitches.

 He knew Gavino better by then, because he listened to the podcast (Gavin’s _headlight fluid_ never failed to make him laugh), and watched some of his slow mo videos, and listened to Geoff and Jack and Michael call him an idiot with warmth in their voices.

 Ray is okay with not being much of a party person – he has the Internet, he has his family and he has Michael, and he has Jack and Geoff and Barbara and Mike and Andrew and Dylon and a hundred screen-names flickering like stars whenever he logs on. He’s fine.

Nonetheless, he’s being dragged to the PAX party somewhat against his will when he meets Gavin Free for the first time.

“BrownMan!” Gavin yells, and Ray looks up, instinctively annoyed by this douchebag who called him by his gamertag, and he sees him. Gavin has ridiculous hair, a huge nose, nice eyes, and an unsure smile flickering at the corner of his lips. He’s obviously drunk. That’s the first thing Ray learns about him.

Around that time, though. It takes one year, from Jack Pattillo’s call, until the niggling shame and the bone-wearying exhaustion of lying his way through unemployment checks got to him, and he called up Geoff Ramsey and tried not to ooze desperation as he gave an ultimatum. Around the time of the party - and the bacon scarf and the BrownMan - is when Ray knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that he's hired. That he's rescued himself.

So he can't mind Gavin's dumbness too much. Not with the promise of a life ahead of him.

 Boss fight accomplished, it isn’t long until Ray moves to Austin.

 The second thing he learn about Gavin Free is that in real life, Gavin Free makes him laugh until he chokes, and likes his stupid puns and dick jokes and black humor, and he plays along with Ray’s jokes like a master. The third thing he learn is his smile, and the warmth of his arms around Ray.

The fourth thing he learns is a bucket of lava and Gavin’s face lit up with sadistic glee from beside him, their arms brushing each other as they split-screen, and Ray is a goner.

 _Achievement Unlocked:_  
**5G Is there fall damage?...yep.  
** Start the main quest by falling in love with GavinoFree

The first time Ray saves Gavin in a video game, he knows he’s going to have a problem.

It’s a zombie apocalypse. Gavin is bad at those.

“Oh no,” Gavin moans. “There’s so many!” He mashes at his buttons furiously. “Can someone help me?” he whines.

“We’re all getting swarmed!” Geoff snaps, at the end of his rope. He shoots once, twice, then goes down. “God damn it! I’m dead. It’s up to you assholes.” He throws himself against the back of his chair, frustrated beyond belief.

 Ray is actually not that far from Gavin, and they’re going to need all the help they can get to beat the level. So he makes his way over.

“Ray!” Gavin perks up visibly when he sees Ray show up on his screen. “You’ve come to rescue me, Ray!”

“Your knight in shining armor,” Ray says, and shotguns five zombies to the face, enough so that Gavin isn’t as panicky anymore.

“Aww! Thanks, Ray!” Gavin tells him, shooting him a shooting star grin, and then the worst thing that could go wrong does.

Ray feels proud. “Knight in shining armor, huh,” he mutters to himself, so low that the mike won’t catch it. Heroism courses through him like a drug, and Ray knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is supremely fucked.

BrownMan’s Stats  
HP: 100  
Strength: 10  
Speed: 10  
Intelligence: 20  
Charisma: 25  
Pining: 1000  
Boobs: 0  
Rage Quits: 0.5  
Chance of GavinoFree falling in love with him: 0.01%  
**DIFFICULTY OF GAME:** Heartbreaking

Here are some things Gavin and Ray have in common:  
          they’re _weird_. Like, full blown fucking weirdos (at least in Ray’s humble opinion). Michael laughs at them all the time, in that brash way he has that lets you know that he thinks you’re an idiot but loves you anyway. Gavin and Ray don’t really think like other people. Gavin fucks around and jumps all over and does the stupid thing that usually ends with explosions and screaming, and he has fun. Ray stares at a wall and moans into a mike for five minutes, pretending to jerk off. They both think in Internet, and they both have video games in their blood, sparking in their fingers like liquid lightning.

Here are some things Gavin and Ray don’t have in common:  
          at heart, Gavin is a sniper. At heart, Gavin is a builder. At heart, Gavin is _something_. And Ray is nothing and everything all at once. This is how he wins. Victory is for the victors, after all, and the victors aren’t always builders or snipers or men with big noses and lovely smiles and a weird, weird brain. Victors are…are…people who bleed on their sword hilts and drink heroism like they’re starving and have nothing in their hearts. Ray is a victor; or, at least, he tries to be.

 Then again, that’s only in game.

Cut to real life.

Once upon a time, there were two men…

* * *

Ray is absolutely terrible at eating with chopsticks, but insists on trying every time he picks up Chinese takeout from that awesome place down the street. Delicious grease gets on his fingers and if he wasn’t so obsessive about the games that got him his job, it’d get all over his controllers too. Instead, he wipes his fingers on the napkin between bites of his dinner and plays stupid arcade games.

 Bathed in the soft glow of his TV and the taste of sweet and sour pork on his tongue, Ray wouldn’t notice if the world ended right then. Outside his apartment, cars are driving by; his upstairs neighbors are stomping around; a cat yowls. But for Ray, the world is utterly still. If every single human but for him suddenly vaporized, Ray would spend an eternity in this moment.

Then his phone buzzes.  
  
**GavinoSucks:  
** Hey Ray come with us to a bar tonight!!! You don’t have to drink, we’ll just hang out.

 **Me:**  
Sorry dude. In for an exciting night of increasing my gamerscore.

Even Gavin’s text looks loud. Ray’s world suddenly expands, from his game and his food and the stillness in his heart to hold a Gavin-sized pocket.

His phone buzzes again, in rapid bursts.

 **GavinoSucks:  
** You suck Ray

 **GavinoSucks:  
** You never come with us.

 **GavinoSucks:**  
Michael says you’re going to become a cat lady and live on a mountain as a hermit until you die.

 **Me:**  
You can come visit me when that happens, bro.  
  
**GavinoSucks:**  
Hahaha yeah. See you Monday then, I guess.

The phone stops buzzing.

Ray’s heart crawls back in his chest, and suddenly his world is tiny again, just him and his game and his fatty food and his silent phone.

So. There’s that.

* * *

In real life, everyone loves Gavin. His smile, his humor, the weirdness of his brain. He’s scared of people, but despite that he goes out all the time with a revolving cast of friends. He gets bevved up and stumbles around at three in the morning, Michael’s arm around him, as they laugh and do silly things and solidify their friendship.

 Michael hoards Gavin’s laughter jealously, and while Ray can steal the occasional chuckle, he can’t even compare.

The thing is, Michael’s one of the best people Ray knows. He’s fiercely loyal and kind and hilarious, and anyone who cracks through his asshole shell falls in love with him whether they want to or not. And Gavin doesn’t just crack through his shell; he obliterates it. Boom pow crash, and little shards of what was Michael’s temper still sting when you step on them but Gavin can make Michael laugh until he chokes, and the pieces recede one by one.

 In the meantime, Ray play games until his fingers blister – a controller’s not a sword, but it’s good enough – and tries not to watch as Gavin and Michael (grinning with his sharp, sharp teeth) balloon into each other’s worlds with lunchtime swimmy bevs.

He’s a Level 3 Introvert while Gavin’s a Level 57 Charming Asshole Dork, and with stats like that, who can compare?

* * *

In the virtual world:

They’re playing another zombie game, and Gavin sucks at it. The controls are weird, and Ray spent three hours the night before getting accustomed to them; Geoff still throws grenades whenever he wants to crouch. Halfway through another wave, Gavin squawks as he runs out of ammo. Jack sighs in response, methodically trying to pick off zombies one by one. Geoff barely pays attention, too busy being bitter over his own untimely demise. Ryan makes a sarcastic comment that goes completely unnoticed but will crack up the audience. Without missing a beat, Michael starts swearing.

And Ray?

The call of heroism proves too strong to resist. The voices of his friends blur as he runs over to Gavin. Mowing down zombies is easy as long as you keep moving and don’t hesitate. One two three four five, and the crowd has thinned enough that Ray can help Gavin up before he bleeds out.

“Cheers, Ray!” Gavin says, and IRL Ray can’t quite see his face from behind Michael’s heard, but the smile illuminates Gavin’s voice enough that he doesn’t need to. “This is absolutely top.” He grabs the first aid kit Ray had handed him and does a stupid little twirl before running off to where Jack and Ryan had holed up. For a moment, Ray stands absolutely still as he watches him recede into the distance; and then he’s gone, bye bye Gav.

“Jesus, Ray, really?” Michael says, unimpressed. He’s doing well for himself, just behind Ray in points. Picking up gear and kicking ass. Fucking Mogar. “You wasted your first aid kit on _Gavin_?” The ‘might as well have thrown it away’ goes unsaid, but rings loud and clear in the tone of his voice.

Gavin squeaks. “Michael,” he protests, mock hurt but mostly overflowing with fondness.

“You’re a piece of shit,” Michael tells him, and flashes his teeth in a grin.

“Well, you know.” Ray has no qualms interrupting their moment. “X-Ray and Vav gotta stick together.”

But Gavin is already racing ahead, mind on the next thing, sniper that he is. Michael throws Ray a quick look, eyebrows furrowing quizzically, before he focuses back on the game. Ray swallows something not unlike disappointment before following suit.

It’s a nice feeling, being the one to put a smile on Gavin’s face. Even for just a little bit.

* * *

The first one to figure it out is Jack. Ray isn’t really surprised. People underestimate Jack; they see his beard and his unassuming demeanor, and they don’t really get him. Ray’s known Jack for years. When he sees Jack, he thinks of seriousness, a wry sense of humor, a temper, a kind smile. Jack is solid and warm and steady and kind of an asshole, and Ray can respect that. (He’s still a funsuck, though.)

All these things combined, however, also mean that Jack is a complete and utter bitch when he figures things out.

The day it all comes to a head goes like this:

Ray and Gavin film a HUNT, and against all odds Gavin wins. He whoops in excitement and throws his hands in the air, knocking his headphones loose; Ray just chuckles. Gavin is buzzing with two Red Bulls and his own natural energy, and his eyes are shiny bright, and Ray like a fucking loser wants nothing more than to grab his hand and kiss him. Who needs damsels in distress when you can have a sniper at your side, throwing grenades at your back and laughing fiery bright?

 Ray doesn’t notice Jack staring at them. This, he’ll realize later.

 Gavin leaves Ray to tidy up, because he’s kind of an asshole and prefers answering e-mails to doing the decent thing and helping out. Ray doesn’t mind, though. He’s used to it. Both Gavin being an asshole and cleaning up. He’d been living by himself since he was seventeen, so he knows the value of cleanliness, and Gavin being an asshole only bothers him in the shallowest of ways. He’s straightening up his little statuette of Exodia – he doesn’t want to be obliterated – when he feels a tap on his shoulder.

“Yo, what’s up,” he says automatically, then looks up.

Jack’s face is stony; not in a scary way, but in a blank, solid kind of way. It’s a weird-ass face for him to be making. “Hey, Ray,” he says. “Come with me to get coffee?” It’s phrased like an invitation, but the steadiness of his gaze makes it obvious it’s not a request. Gavin glances over at them and furrows his eyebrows, confused, but for once in his life doesn’t say anything. He’s too busy typing up an important looking e-mail, and Ray can’t help but take note of the way his tongue is poking out just the slightest bit in concentration.

Jack clears his throat and Ray starts guiltily, looking away from Gavin.

He feels tense, which is weird because he’s in his office surrounded by his friends. There’s no reason whatsoever for his nerves to sing, but they do.

 Despite the pressure of Jack’s gaze, he squares his shoulders and grins his brightest sunshine smile, and agrees to go.

The coffee shop they go to looks like any other Austin coffee shop Ray has ever seen. It’s small and cramped, with large windows letting in bright sunshine and a hand-written menu board. He walks in behind Jack, hunched in on himself, hands shoved into his shorts' pockets. The aroma of coffee and sweets settles upon his skin, heavy as a gallows.

 A waitress with electric blue hair greets them brightly, and without prompting Jack orders a latte for himself and a hot chocolate for Ray.

“Fucking hot chocolate? That’s a blowjob-worthy gesture right there, dude.” Ray can’t swallow down a genuine smile though – Jack remembered that he doesn’t drink coffee. They settle down at a window seat before he speaks again. “So what’s up? You gonna block me and report me for spam again?”

He’s teasing. It’s easier than being serious. (Maybe that’s his problem, huh?)

Jack rolls his eyes, temporarily distracted. “I said I was sorry years ago, Ray. Are you still fucking mad about that?”

“Never forget!” Annoying Jack is a simple pleasure that Achievement Hunter (and Joel) excel in. The waitress shows up with their drinks, and they sip for a few long minutes. Ray pretends that the hot chocolate is buffing him, a +3 to deflection, or at least a health bonus or some shit. But if so, then Jack’s latte must be giving him a +10 to intimidation, because even him sipping it and giving Ray a calm, steady look is freaking Ray the fuck out.

“But seriously,” he says when the silence gets so heavy that the waitress starts giving them strange looks from across the room. “What’s this all about?” He watches Jack bite his lip and set down his coffee, and ignores the pulse of anxiety that shoots through him.

“Well,” Jack says, carefully, as if Ray is a wild animal liable to be scared off by any sudden noise. He sets down his latte and spreads his arms beckoningly.

Ray has a very, very bad feeling about this.

“Well,” Jack repeats. “I’ve noticed you’ve been very sweet to Gavin during our videos lately.”

And okay.

Fuck. Ray takes another sip of his hot chocolate. “Well, you know. Good guy Ray. And God fucking knows that Gavin needs plenty of help.” And alright, he sounds defensive. Awesome. God dammit. Jack’s face softens despite the obvious lie, and Ray wants to drown himself.

No one ever gave him an achievement for being great in awkward social situations. It’s like his soul is filling with lead. He feels bogged down and useless – if he were in a video game, he’d be making an escape now. Maybe headshotting Jack and fighting his way out with a couple of grenades. Getting picked up in a helicopter with badass action music playing in the background. Ray the heroic protagonist.

 But that’s video games, and this is real life. Of course he can’t leave, because Jack is great and helped him get a job and is looking at him all droopy-eyed like he wants to either give him a hug or yell at him. And Ray’s hot chocolate is getting cold.

“Ray.” Jack leans over and puts his hand on Ray’s wrist. It’s warm. Somewhere in the background, people laugh. Mugs are clinking on the table. Pedestrians walk past them, not sparing them a glance.

Ray wants to throw up. It’d be so much easier if he was in war-torn France right now, punching Nazis. (Virtually, not real life. Real life would kind of suck for that.) Or if he was at least sitting in his bedroom, alone and IMing with the world spinning past him and the feeling of heroism tingling in his fingertips.

“So,” Jack says, and tilts his head. “Do you _like_ Gavin?”

Boom. Critical hit.

The world slows down around them, as if they are enclosed in a big chunk of ice. Just him and Jack with his tragic eyes. Ray bites the inside of his cheek so hard he tasted blood. Shit. His shields are down.

“Of course I like him,” he says weakly, a last ditch effort at normality. But the undercurrent of _he’s my friend_ doesn’t fool Jack. His words hang awkwardly between them, the half-truth obvious as shit to anyone who cared to listen.

Jack cares. He sighs, and reaches up to run his fingers through his beard. “Of course you do,” he mutters, half to himself. He sounds pitying.

Yep. The secret’s out.

Ray stares down at the table. “You gonna tell him? Cause I have blackmail on you, dude.”

Jack laughs. They sympathy on his face is like +3 damage against Ray. “No, man, I wouldn’t do that to you.” He pauses. “And you don’t have shit on me.”

“Damn.” Ray ducks his head to take a sip of his hot chocolate (well, it’s more cold chocolate at this point) so that Jack wouldn’t see the face he’s making under all his bluster. “You called my bluff.”

"What can I say, sir, I know you too well." Jack leans back against his chair. It's now twenty minutes until Geoff should start bitching at them to get back to work. “You okay, Ray? Wanna talk about it?”

“What?” Boss battles aren’t supposed to culminate in your enemy asking if you’re okay. “I’m fine. It’s just a crush.”

The words are bitter in his mouth. It’s not just a crush, the way his heart flips when Gavin makes that squeaky noise instead of laughing, the jealousy when Michael leans over and gives Gavin a half-hug. It’s something more, something scary, something Ray isn’t prepared for.

“Listen, I feel you,” Jack tells him. “Crushes suck, dude. I know that game.” He pauses briefly, lost in his own memories. “Tell you what, though. The best way to deal with them is to figure out your goals.”

Ray blinks. What? "What?"

"Your strategy." Jack stares at him. "How're you planning to deal with this? You must have a course of action, like a seduction plan or something.”

Ray blinks again. "I play to win?" He doesn’t mean it to come out as a question, but it does.

Silence descends. And then.

" _Ray_ ," Jack says, breathes out, hard and fast like he’s exhausted. And Jack gets annoyed easily, at things like Gavin or disorder or people being douches, and Ray’s not really sure if it’s A, B or C but Jack’s disapproval makes him cringe. "Oh, Ray. You’re a fucking idiot."

And then he leans back, and divulges a secret.

The thing about love is that it’s not a game you play to win.  
It’s more like building a house.

 What Ray doesn’t say is: playing games is what he’s _good_ at.

"Tell me this, Ray," Jack says, and then he goes quiet as he stirs his long-since cooled coffee. There’s something in his voice that makes Ray feel approximately six inches tall. " _Why_ are you helping out Gavin in video games?"

 Ray opens his mouth. And freezes.

Reasons _Ray_ decided _to_ help _Gavin_ :  
because -  
he wants to impress him.    Because he wants Gavin to look at _him_ , not Michael.     Because he wants to be a knight in shining armor for once, not the guy with the stupid one liners and the dirt house and the video games and the heroism that he only feels when shooting imaginary enemies.              Because Gavin’s little thankful noises go straight to Ray’s dick.      Because Gavin knows what it is to carve out his own twisted, topsy-turvy path in blood and sweat and tears, and follow it down for better or for worse.                   Because he can.       There are a million possible answers, but the one that comes out is –

_"I want to make him happy."_

 The truth spills from his lips and tingles in his fingertips and runs through his veins and settles in right behind his heart, tucked away in some secret place. Jack looks at him, just looks, and Ray is unduly terrified for a minute, but then Jack’s face melts into something not unlike pity and Ray releases the breath he wasn’t aware he was holding.

 The ice enclosing them melts, and suddenly Ray can hear the visitors of the café, the lilting voices of the waitresses, smell the aroma of coffee and baking. Jack picks up his cup and drains the last bits of it, before pushing it away. Their impromptu lunch date, Ray takes it, is over.

"You should probably tell him," Jack says. "Gavin’s a sweet kid, but he’s a dumbass." He claps Ray on the shoulder and calls for the bill.   

 _Achievement unlocked:_  
**10G I’m going to go build a house**  
Learn the fundamentals of love from JackP

* * *

Ray fucking hates Minecraft, but if he and Gavin lived in that world, he thinks it’d be fun. Gavin would build them a house full of art, and Ray would supply the roses and pwn the world with his diamond shit. Gavin would spike their front lawn with TNT cause he thinks that's funny, and Ray would save them from the creepers and skeletons and Endermen and feel like a dashing hero. They'd make their beds touch - and here the fantasy falls apart a little, because Ray is 110% unprepared for imagining Gav as a creeper in a bed situation - but they would make an excellent team, and they'd make each other laugh, and Ray would feel like a knight in shining armor and it would _work_.

So sometimes, when they're playing Minecraft, he helps Gavin out. A step towards the fantasy. At least, when he manages to stay awake.

* * *

He has to tell Gavin.

He knows he has to tell Gavin, if only to exorcise these feelings. Love is a game and Ray loves playing, but he never agreed to this game in particular. He doesn't like playing games he can't perfect or at least co-op, and how the fuck do you perfect a game like this? Better to pull the plug early and work on his gamerscore elsewhere. Safer, this way.

But he's still a stupid dumb idiot face, and he still likes Gavin even when he's being a piece of shit.

Like right now, with Gavin systematically destroying the shelter they'd been working so hard to build. Michael just sighs, frustrated, but shoots Ray sneaky smiles in between his grousing. Jack ignores them all, plugging away at whatever he's doing – something boring, no doubt. Geoff is full of the vinegar, and him snapping is making Gavin laugh. Not his public-laugh, too, but the little wheezy laugh he has when he finds something particularly funny, where it's almost silent and Ray has to strain to hear it.

And Ray can't help but say “Love you, Gav" because that wheezy laugh is cute as fuck, and then he clamps his jaw closed so hard there’s an audible ‘click’. (Note to Kdin: better get that out in editing).

 But Gavin’s already snickering and saying “Love you too, buddy, bed?” and haha, isn’t this a hilarious joke. Ray is laughing his ass off. LMAO LOL ROFLBBQ why doesn’t somebody just kill him now.

 Jack snorts, from somewhere behind them. “Goddammit, Ray.” His voice is infused with a mixture of pity and amusement, and Ray slouches down in his chair. He sneaks a glance at Gavin, over Michael’s head as he swears quietly and furiously smashes his keys, but Gavin seems to have barely noticed.

“Huh, what’d Ray do?” Gavin says absent-mindedly, mind already on the next thing.

“Absolutely nothing,” Jack says, and that’s that.

* * *

In a company full of gamers, it’s surprising that only Ray embodies the stereotype. (His friends always joke that if he went out more, he’d actually be BrownMan rather than WhiteMan. Dicks.) Ray is simple. That’s why when Michael throws a pencil at his head and demands that Ray comes over to eat pizza and games, Ray is sold on the free pizza and the ‘staying inside to game’ part.

"Cool," Michael says. "Gavin, you’re coming too, right?"

"Wouldn’t miss it, boi," Gavin says, smile at maximum brightness, and Ray’s mood goes from :D to FML in an instant.

* * *

Hanging out with his best friend and his crush _is_ fun. Ray never thought it wouldn’t be. Michael and Gavin are both absolutely hysterical; sometimes, Ray has to pause and take in the fact that he really does have the coolest co-workers and friends and job _ever_. Three years of grinding and leveling up his video editing skills were absolutely worth it.

Or at least, it’s fun until they decide to go out to dinner (Ray’s suggestion of ordering in is soundly rejected), and in Michael’s car, eyes bright, Gavin suggests a bar.

"Are you _kidding_ me?" Ray says. He’s exasperated enough that the tone doesn’t come out as joking as he’d hoped it would. Michael shoots him a brief concerned look through the rearview mirror; Ray had been relegated to the backseat while Gav took shotgun.

 Gavin grins at him. "Come on, X-Ray!" he says. "It’s one of those bars that serve dinner. The burgers there are absolute top. I go there with Geoff and Griffon all the time. We don’t have to get bevved up!"

"Yeah," Michael says. "Gavvy and I will only have a couple of drinks. Promise." Then, after a pause: "I’ll pay for your dumb ass."

 Ray groans. It’s hard to resist Gavin’s bright tone. Even harder to resist free food. "Fine," he says, and watches Michael and Gavin whoop in victory and exchange a celebratory fist bump. "I’m going to regret this, aren’t I."

" _Never_ ," Michael says, and his grin is reptilian.

Ray regrets the bar decision about twenty seconds in, because as soon as they take a seat, Michael and Gavin order drinks. Long Island Iced Teas, to be precise. Ray can smell the alcohol from across the table, a dragon’s fiery breath, where he’d been forced to sit as Michael and Gavin plopped down next to each other.

 To be fair, Gavin wasn’t lying when he said the burgers are delicious. They’re absolutely mouthwatering. Too bad he’s chewing them as he watches Gavin and Michael get more and more wasted.

 When he was younger (and boy does he feel infinitely old when he thinks that), he used to work as a busboy at his dad’s bar. The experience was enough to put him off alcohol for a lifetime. People got loud when they got drunk. They got loud, or they got maudlin, or they stumbled around, laughing. They were weird and illogical. They lost control. They threw up or started crying and their friends had to show up and help them make their way home.

 It’s different, seeing your friends  - not total strangers – get drunk. Michael and Gavin get loud, obnoxious, touchy feely, but they still talk to Ray, still smile at him whenever they’re not hanging all over each other. It’s better, but Ray’s mood darkens and darkens as the night goes on and his stupid fucking conscience keeps him from abandoning his friends.

"Raaay," Gavin drawls around his fourth drink, and drapes his arms around Ray’s shoulders. "You’re my _boi._ My lovely little Ray." He hiccups. "My boi." His face is flushed and his eyes are over-bright.

"That’s me," Ray says, and knocks back another swig of his water.  It’s 11:37pm. He’d wanted to stream today. (This is why he doesn’t go outside).

"Michael’s my boi too," Gavin murmurs into his shoulder.

"My boi!" Michael yells, from the other side of Gavin. He’d staggered over and looked down at them in their seats. His eyes shine. "Gavvy-wavvy." He starts giggling, more so as Gavin detaches from Ray and tries to tackle Michael.

"Fuck you guys," Ray says, but neither of them hear. He scowls down at the table. He could be playing another shitty arcade game, or Wolfenstein or something.

It’s only one drink later and a rousing chorus of Randy Newman that his patience finally snaps. "Right," he says, and slams down his Coke. "Morons. We’re going home." He puts his hand on Michael’s forehead and pushes him away from himself, none too gently.

"But Raaaaaaaay," Michael slurs at him. "Raaaaaaaay."

By this point, the bartender is eyeing them, and Ray has seen his dad do the same thing enough times that he nods apologetically and pushes forward. "Sorry, dude. We’re walking you home."

Michael scowls at him, and then throws a glance at Gavin. Gavin, who giggles before launching himself at Ray, enclosing his waist in a hug.

 "Raaaaay," Gavin whines. " _Ray_."

"Nope." And despite his flush, Ray manages to pry Gavin off. "We’re walking Michael home, dude. And then we’ll get you home."

" _Shit_ ," Michael says, only it comes out more like _shiiaiiehhhhhhhhht._ "How’s – how’s Gavvers gettin’ home?" He’s apparently given up the battle, instead slumping down on the table.

"I’ll fly," Gavin says. Michael lifts his head and rolls his eyes to high heavens.

"Shut the fuck up," he says, and those words come out clear as a bell. "Call – Call Geoffrey. He’ll pick you up."

"Nooooooooooooo," Gavin moans. "’s too late. I dun’ wanna wake him – him and Griffon." Trust Gavin to get all awkward and polite and British just when it’s least convenient for Ray.

"I’ll get him home," Ray pipes up.

"Ray," Michael says. "You can’t _drive_ you mo- moriot. Idiot. Shit. _Moron._ "

"Wow," Ray says. "Really?" He shakes his head. "I’ll call a cab, dickhead."

Michael laughs, then stops. "Oh wait. You’re _serious_."

"Deadly." And Ray stares him down, will of steel, until Michael stops giggling to himself and throws down some cash on the table. And then they’re off.

It’s not easy, hauling Michael and Gavin the three blocks to Michael’s apartment. Reaching into Michael’s pocket and pulling out his key, and then jamming it in. Climbing up three flights of stairs because of course his elevator is broken. Grabbing Michael some water and some advil, then bullying him into bed.

"Love you," Michael says into his pillow.

"Love you too!" Gavin yells out, too loud. Ray rolls his eyes, and ignores the twinge in his heart.

"Let’s go, asshole."  

The taxi, which Ray had ordered at the bar, waits for them outside Michael’s apartment. They get in, and Gavin immediately latches onto him.

The taxi driver looks amused as Ray tells him where to go.

"It’s near that strip club," he says and the driver outright laughs. Asshole.

Gavin’s breath smells of candy and alcohol, and his body is warm. Ray can’t help it: now that Michael isn’t with them, he flushes like a hormonal teenager with his or her senpai, with his fucking heart going doki-doki. Well, it’s less his heart and more like his penis, amirite – except yeah, no, that’s definitely his heart, unless his boner suddenly relocated to somewhere underneath his ribs.

 It’s not a fun task, hauling Gavin back to his house from the street while Gavin paws at him, laughing in that careless way, but Ray has grinded his way through too many fucking RPGs to care about things like difficulty. Gavin’s arm feels like a band around his shoulders, and his hair keeps getting into Ray’s mouth.

 When they finally make it to Gav’s place, Ray doesn’t even bother trying to make his way back to the suite. He just props Gavin up and hauls them both to the front door, ignoring Gavin’s feeble protests against waking the Ramseys, to tap his knuckles twice, _knock knock,_ against the door.

"Raaay, no – " Gavin says, lips pulling into a frown.

"Shut the fuck up, Gav." Ray rolls his eyes, and Gavin falls into a sullen silence.

It takes approximately ten seconds before Geoff swings his door open, looking harangued.

"Oh," he says, when he sees them. "It’s _you_." He heaves a great big sigh, like the world rests on his shoulders.

"Special delivery," Ray says. "One completely wasted Brit. Express service." He tries to paste on a smile, but it comes out more like a grimace. Beside him, Gavin makes what would probably be a pouty face if he wasn’t so wasted.

Geoff stares at them, then something in his eyes softens. He swings the door open wider. "Come in, dumbass," he says. "And bring Dumbass #2 along."

Fifteen minutes later, Geoff had bullied Gavin into bed and Ray sits in his kitchen, sipping hot chocolate that Griffon had made him.

"Thanks for bringing Gav home," she’d told him, smiling, and flicked his hair. "You’re a really good person."

"Um," Ray said stupidly. "Thanks?" He felt himself flush. Not many people told him he was a good person. How did you even react to that? …He wished Griffon had tweeted him instead. He needed a GIF of Applejack or something.

"I’ll make you hot chocolate to make up for it," she said, and then she did. She also shoved the thirty bucks he’d paid for cab fare at him, though he protested.

Which is – well, it’s nice of her. He’s grateful. He appreciates money, being the guy who lived off unemployment checks for a year. Except now he has a great job, and he doesn’t really need to be careful with his wallet anymore? Thirty bucks isn’t that much, really. Not for Gavin’s sake.

 The epic hero has a tragic past, but he doesn’t want to be a whiney prick about it.

 Still, he takes the money because while Griffon is like the coolest woman ever, she’s kind of scary, and sips his (so delicious it should be illegal) hot chocolate before Geoff swaggers in and drops down into his chair. Griffon had gone to bed, and Ray was wondering absent-mindedly if he could scab a ride from Geoff or if he had to call another taxi.

"So," Geoff says, and his voice is too loud in the quiet comfort of the kitchen. "Michael and Gav bullied you into going out, huh?"  
  
Ray sighs. "Fucking jackasses. Yeah." He takes another gulp. Say what you will, hot chocolate by the Ramseys is the greatest thing since Tetris.

Geoff eyes him dubiously. "And you want to bang Gavin."

Ray promptly chokes on his hot chocolate.

"Jesus, dude," Geoff says as Ray does his best to clear his windpipe. He gets up and walks over to pound Ray on the back. "Don’t die on me. I could get sued or something. That would be really inconvenient."

"I’ll do my best," Ray coughs out.

After his breathing goes back to normal and Geoff gets him a glass of water, Ray glances up at Geoff, who’s still staring at him. "So, you were talking about what game we should film next, right?"

"Wow, you really do want to bang him," Geoff says, and Ray chokes on the water.

Neither of the Ramseys make any sense to him. Maybe he should train a skill or something, Ramsey-wrangling.

"Geoff, I love you but you’re a fucking weirdo."

"Not as much as you love Gav’s knob though," Geoff says childishly. His eyes are unreadable. Ray can feel the ice crusting in his veins again, his heart slowing down. Fucking hell. Not a critical hit, but _close_.

And then Geoff softens.

"You want to talk about it, buddy?" he says. "I know it's gotta suck, having a crush on Gavin of all people.” He looks at Ray beseechingly, spreading his arms invitingly, as if he wants Ray to hug him or cry or something.

Ray swallows. It was weird talking to Jack Pattillo, funsucker extraordinaire about it. It's weirder with Geoff, his boss, making sympathetic faces at him in between shots of his whiskey at three am in the morning, while Griffon clatters around upstairs.

Also, he has hot chocolate for some reason?

 But maybe talking with Jack had its advantages, because something in Ray's chest comes loose. "I mean," he says. "No, not really." It's the closest he's come to admitting the heaviness inside his chest.

 Geoff heaves a sigh, and then reaches over to ruffle Ray's hair. "You don't have to talk about it with me, dude. As long as you're talking about it with someone, okay?"

"Sure," Ray lies.

They sit in silence for a bit while Ray finishes up his hot chocolate and Geoff yawns. When he's done, he tells Ray that he'll drive him home, but not before this:

"Sorry to pull the 'boss' card on you, dude," Geoff says. "But this isn't going to be a problem, is it? In terms of the videos." He makes a face. "God, I feel like a jackass for asking this."

"No, man, it's fine," Ray says. And it is. "I understand. No, it won't be a problem. If anything, it'll help."

Geoff crinkles his eyebrows. "What, your potentially unrequited gay crush on Gavin will help - ohhh. Oh!" He jumps up out of his chair and points at Ray, exactly like an excited puppy dog. It’s moments like this that make Ray realize how much he loves his boss. "This - this is why you've been acting weird lately! And rescuing Gav a lot!"

And Ray is - he has no defense. No resistance. He is a bubble that Geoff popped, and Ray is helpless in the onslaught of things like responsibility and love.

Geoff points at him "You - you." He falters, and then sighs. "Ray. Asshole. You know that's not what love is, right?"

Ray stares at him, a challenge. "So what is love, then? Boss?"

Geoff smirks. “Don’t get smart with me, kid, I’m married and have the best daughter in the world,” he says. “And I’m gonna tell you the same thing I said on the podcast. Prepare your anus, dude, because here goes – “

You know what love is? Love is scrubbing puke off of a bathroom floor, and, like, washing your wife’s hair while she’s passed out on the floor because she’s got puke all in her hair. That’s love.

“Eww,” Ray says immediately. “Gross.” He wrinkles his nose. “I’m never drinking ever.”

Geoff laughs, and reaches over to ruffle his hair again. “And yet you’ll tolerate Gav’s drunken ass,” he says, and he sounds fond. “I hope you and him work out, I really do. You’ll be good together.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t see that happening. Unless…Do you have some magical love machine, to go along with the device?”

Geoff shrugs.

"Sorry, dude, can’t help you," he says. "Unless you want me to take pictures of him while he’s asleep. I happen to know where he lives." (In his backyard).

"Uh, thanks, Geoff, but I’m good." Ray raises an eyebrow.

Geoff laughs, but when he looks back he’s deadly serious. "Good."

 And there’s a lot there unspoken, about how Ray is Geoff’s friend but Gavin is his friend, too, and Ray had better be careful. He doesn’t say it, but Geoff has always been super easy to read, and Ray is a fucking master at things bottled up and left unsaid.

 So Ray understands, and he smiles like hey, it’ll all be okay, and then he ducks his head and mumbles – deliberately loudly – about how he already has more than enough pictures to last him a lifetime of ‘night’ reading. And then Geoff punches him in the arm, but he laughs, and Ray knows that they’re cool.

He still gets told to suck Geoff’s dick, though.

 _Achievement Unlocked:_  
**10G Deep as dicks, dude.**  
Get fuckin’ told by DGGeoff.

The next morning, Michael shoves a muffin on his desk. "Hey, Ray."

"Huh?" Ray blinks, taken out of his editing haze.

"Sorry for being a drunk asshole yesterday," Michael tells him. "I got you an apology muffin."

 Ray glances up at him, surprised. That's not very draconian of Michael. Still, he grabs the muffin from Michael and smiles. "Sweet, free muffin." It's chocolate chip. Yum. "All is forgiven."

 Michael scoffs at him, and punches his shoulder lightly before taking a seat at his own desk. "Shut the fuck up," he says.

 Michael also bullies Gavin into apologizing when he comes in with Geoff, sunglasses firmly on, and Gavin's apology is in the form of a hug as that's the only thing he has to offer. His arms are warm around Ray, and Geoff makes weird faces at him before demanding that they stop screwing around and set up for a Let's Play.

 Ray bites the inside of his cheek and tries not to think about the fact that Gavin only did so at the behest of Michael. That ways lies only heartbreak, he tells himself, but it's not like he ever _listens_ to himself.

* * *

 

Now that two people know about his feelings for Gavin, work becomes – not unbearable, since Ray loves his job and knows he’s lucky to have it – but _uncomfortable_. It’s hard to steal glances at Gavin biting his lip or laughing quietly to himself when Geoff is making gagging motions behind him and Jack just shakes his head and sends him pitying glances. Ray kind of wants to punch them both. But he’s a nice guy, and also really needs to level up his strength, so instead he just steals Geoff’s whiskey to give to Gus and revels in the ten-minute long tantrum that ensues.

The mood is strange in the office. Gavin doesn't seem to notice, but Michael definitely does, though no one is willing to admit to a secret. Ryan is, as always, completely opaque about what he knows or feels. Nobody's getting his feelings out of him, damn bastard.

Ray and Ryan have a weird friendship. They both think the other is hysterical, but they probably spend the least time together than any other combination of people at Achievement Hunter. Ray likes his isolation, and Ryan likes his family. They both get made fun of for being losers like that. That forces people together, shit like that.

So when Ray treks to the kitchen one morning, frustrated after the filming a Let's Fail, the sight of Ryan making himself a cup of coffee lightens his mood.

"Yo," he says. "What's up?"

"Hey, Ray," Ryan says, and smiles at him. "How're you going?" He leans back against the counter next to the coffee machine that's trickling black liquid into the mug.

"Good," Ray says, and opens the fridge door. He has the choice between Jack's sandwich (identified by the label JACK'S SANDWICH - PLZ DO NOT EAT <3 in Caiti's curly scrawl), a block of cheese, a 24-pack of Coke, some beer, and leftover pizza. "Other than the filming  of the worst attempt at a Let's Play ever, Jesus Christ. How about you?" He grabs the pizza box and a can of Coke, and juggling them, heads to the microwave.

Ryan makes a face. "My daughter won't stop crying at night, and it's making everyone in my family cranky. Today I snapped at Lindsay for asking me if I wanted some chips."

"Wow, what a bitch," Ray says. He sets his shit down on the counter and opens up the pizza box. There's a half a pizza left, because people who work at Rooster Teeth are idiots who don't know good food when they see it, and Ray is fucking morally obligated to eat the food. Just so it doesn't fall into the wrong hands, you know.

Ryan chuckles. "Tell me about it."

"Hey, want me to reheat some pizza for you? To make up for Lindsay being an asshole."

"Yeah, sure," Ryan says. "Listening to Michael and Geoff's mind break for an hour and a half sure does make you hungry."

Ray laughed. "Yeah, Geoff sounded like he wanted to kill himself." He shoved some pizza into the microwave, and jabbed at buttons randomly. "Although you didn't help, what with blowing up half the vehicles."

"Hey, Gavin kept driving them in front of me!" Ryan pointed a finger. "It wasn't my fault."

"Sure, I believe you." Ray nods. "Don't be surprised when your next paycheck is missing a zero, though."

"No, no," Ryan said in that semi-sing-song way he excelled at, "That would actually help. I'd go from ten cents to a dollar weekly."

Ray pauses. "Huh?"

"You know, it'd move the decimal over - from 0.1 to 1?" Ryan stares at him. "Get it?"

"Dude, I'd have to have gone to school to get that," Ray says, a joke at his own expense, as he is wont to do. "Math is scary."

Ryan laughs at him and shakes his head. There's a comfortable silence for a while, before the microwave beeps and pizza is ready.

"Here you go, dude," Ray says, and shoves a slice in his mouth before turning to hand the box to Ryan. Ryan is bent over the counter, doing something. Ray pauses. "Hmph, Ryan?" he says, or tries to say - his mouth is full of delicious pizza.

"Want some hot chocolate?" Ryan asks him. "There's a can of it here for some reason. I'm making myself some." Apparently he'd drunk the coffee already. Pfft, caffeine addicts.

"Sweet, thanks," Ray says, although again, mouth full of pizza.

Ryan gets to work. By the time he's done mixing everything and grabs a slice of pizza, Ray has eaten his first slice and started on the second one.

"I'll admit that pizza and hot chocolate is a weird combination," Ryan says. "But how could it possibly go wrong?" He smirks at Ray.

They wait in companionable silence as he gets to work on the hot chocolate. Ray takes the chance to subtly check him out. Ryan looks damn good. Ray can totally believe he used to be a model. If he wasn’t married, would Ray have gone for him? Maybe. It’d be damn hot, him and Ryan.

But - when he imagines kissing Ryan, Gav’s face flashes in front of his eyes like the most obtrusive advertisement ever. Ray sighs at the feeling that shoots through him, longing and frustration and the faint vestiges of a deeper emotion. Can’t escape Vav even in his fantasies, it seems.

Just then, he hears pouring. The hot chocolate must be done. He glances up just in time to see Ryan whirl around, presenting a cup to Ray with a flourish, only to falter as he notices Ray's frown.

"What's wrong?" he asks, brow furrowing. "Pizza disagreeing with you?"

Either Ryan is the most perceptive motherfucker on the planet, or Ray is just that pathetic. Ray is willing to bet on the latter. He wishes briefly for a weapon mod that lowers visibility, but again – real life, not video games. He bites back a sigh as he sees Ryan’s face droop the longer he’s silent. He is really, truly awful at this.

"Dude, pizza never disagrees with me,” he says, the first thing that comes to mind to defend himself. “It just feels…kind of weird hanging out with you. We never do that. Not in a bad way!” he adds. “Just in a…you exist outside of work? way. You know?” He flails his arms slightly, in a way that probably is trying to get a point across or something. Who can tell, with him.

"We don't, do we?" Ryan makes a face. "It's a shame. I wish I had more time, but you know what it's like with family."

"Yeah," Ray says, softer. He spares a moment to think of his dad, his mom, his sister, his uncles and aunts and cousins and his grandparents, all back in New York. He misses the fuck out of them all.

But that wasn’t really why he doesn’t hang out with everyone else. He doesn’t hang out with them because, well, he’s not that cool or that smooth or friendly, and while he adores his friends, he can’t even come close to matching the energy of Michael or Gavin.

He feels a stab of regret at the thought, and takes a bite of his pizza to try and swallow it down. The regret and the pizza both.

This is probably what happens, when you’re on a quest, he consoles himself. Or when you’re pining for a good friend who happens to be straight (probably), in love with your best friend (possibly) or just straight-out not interested (definitely). Like, shit, Ray knows quests are usually difficult, but there’s always hope, right? Why else would all those losers even try to start?

“Have you ever fallen for someone completely out of your league?” Ray asks Ryan, completely out of the blue.

Ryan, being Ryan and an Achievement Hunter, takes the sudden topic change in stride. He laughs. “My wife,” he says. “So totally out of my league.”

Ray makes a face. “No, but really,” he says. “Someone who’s cool and funny and smart and would never ever go out with you in a billion years?”

Ryan gives him a weird look, face crinkling around the corners in that Ryan-y way he has.

“Uh. We _are_ talking about Gavin, right?” he says, hesitantly, and then only furrows his brow further when Ray chokes on his pizza.

…Ray was not expecting that.

“You’re in love with Gavin?” he says, dumbly, after he finished coughing up a lung. He can’t believe what he just heard.

Ryan splutters. “What!” he says. “No. Idiot. No.” He sounds mortally offended, like Ray had just implied he prefers Xbox to PC or something. “You’re in love with Gavin.”

“I’m in love with Gavin?” Ray is still not over the potential shock. It takes him a second to realize the ramifications of what Ryan says. Then he nearly spills his hot chocolate all over himself. “Jesus Christ, are you a fucking mind reader?!”

“Uh, that depends,” Ryan says, carefully. “Is the ability to ascertain UST considered mind reading these days?”

“UST?” Ray feels like a broken recorder, just repeating everything Ryan says. This, to be fair, is not atypical with Ryan Haywood. Ryan just has that combination of intelligence mixed with complete and profound _weirdness_ that makes conversations with him a minefield.

At least he’s hot, Ray muses, before fake Gavin flashes in front of his eyes again and makes him forget everything.

“UST,” Ryan says, speaking slowly, as if he were talking to a particularly dimwitted child. Which, fair enough. “Unresolved sexual tension. You and Gavin have it in spades. Plus, you do this puppy pining thing?” He twists his hand in the air vaguely, as if that would actually help Ray understand in any way, shape or form what he means.

 Ray should probably be panicking at another person knowing his secret. Everyone but Michael and Gavin, now. But Jack knows, and Geoff knows, and Ryan is good at keeping his mouth shut. So Ray just shrugs.

“Fucking stupid, right?” he says, but Ryan just smirks at him.

“Not at all,” he says. “I think you’d be cute together.”

...For all that his friends are massive boundary-overstepping dickheads, no one had actually said that to Ray before.

“Uh, no one has actually said that to me before,” Ray informs Ryan.

“Hooray! I’m unique!” Ryan says, and takes another sip of his drink to hide his smile. “So if they didn’t say you guys were cute, what have they been telling you? Wear condoms?”

“Dude, don’t be a bitch,” Ray automatically says, unwilling to let the joke pass him by. “Puerto Rican pullout.”

“Of course. How could I forget.” Ryan rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling. He likes Ray’s dumb jokes. He’s kind of dumb that way.

“They’ve mostly been giving me advice,” Ray says, a little exasperated as he remembers the conversations he’s had with his friends. “Like, really shit advice, but advice nonetheless.”

“Jack and Geoff, right?” Ryan says, which doesn’t lift Ray’s suspicions that he’s a mind reader. When he sees Ray squint at him, calculating, Ryan rolls his eyes. “I’m not a mind reader!” he says, indignant, and okay Ray needs to make a salt circle or something because this is getting ridiculous. “It’s just pretty easy to tell. They started staring at you a lot more. Also whispering and giggling. It’s like fifth grade all over again.”

“Yeah, but no one’s giving me a swirly. So hey, improvement.” No one has ever given Ray a swirly in his life.

Probably cognizant of that fact (mind reader mind reader mind reader), Ryan rolls his eyes again. “Whatever. Hey,” he adds unexpectedly. “If the other Gents gave you advice, I feel like it’s my moral duty to help you in your quest to win the fair lad’s heart.”

“Oh god,” Ray says. “I’m not calling Gavin Edgar and putting him into a hole. Just so you know.” He finishes off his hot chocolate with a loud sip, and then places it on the counter, leaning back and eyeing Ryan suspiciously.

Ryan looks incredibly offended. Ryan the Edgar guy. “Alright, it’s time for Ray to stop talking.” Ryan points a finger at him. “I am going to drop some hard knowledge on you, son.” (Ray probably shouldn’t find this as hot as he does. Oh well. YOLO, right?) “Open up your ears, cause I’m going to get all sage up in this bitch – “

Love is like – a, uh, a dance. A drawn-out dance. Sometimes you dip, sometimes you spin, and sometimes your ankle breaks, but as long as you like your partner – as you feel their skin on yours, their breath mingling with yours, and you realize that this person is everything you’d wanted for your entire life - it's all worth it in the bend. I mean end. End. Goddammit.

Ryan finishes his speech off with a little flourish, but he looks sheepish. As well he should – how did he end up flubbing again? God, Ryan really needs some help. Somehow. Is there a school on how not to flub? Because Ryan deserves, like a scholarship to it. Grand Flubmo de I Mess Up Simple Words-ville.

That’s not the only thing that’s messed up, however.

"What the fuck does that even mean?" Ray says. "Ryan the confusing guy." He squints suspiciously at his friend, hoping that Ryan would, like, elucidate Ray on the inner working of his messed-up mind.

Ryan doesn’t elucidate him. Instead, Ryan smiles at him, then reaches over and ruffles his hair. "You'll figure it out," he says, and his voice is brimming with warmth.

"Seriously, what the fuck?" Ray says. "I fucking hate metaphors. More like meta-dumb.” He’s frowning. But he’s not too annoyed; he can hear the laughter in his own voice. And if he can, Ryan the mind reader guy sure can too.

At his words, Ryan leans back and laughs. "Ray. Ray, you're awesome," he says, and he sounds sincere.

“Uh, thanks. You too, man.”

Ray doesn’t know what to say to that. Ryan’s still confusing as fuck, even as he lives an apple pie life with his wife and children.

But Ryan, who’s still laughing, doesn’t seem to mind Ray fucking up at the whole ‘talking’ thing. He doesn’t seem to mind at all.

Ray thinks of Gavin, again, and his fingertips tingle with the urge to do…something.

 _Achievement Unlocked_  
**10G Still in the aaaaair!**  
Get lifted up by BM Vagabond's advice

For all that Michael is Ray’s bro, he figures it out last out of everyone in the office.

Like everything else about him, it’s loud. It’s not even Ray’s fault, this time. He’s not even doing anything suspect, just stealing the occasional glance at Gavin's tongue poking out the corner of his mouth in concentration as he edits their latest Let’s Play. Just an ordinary day. Michael, though – at some point, Michael looks at Gav’s screen, and maybe it’s the part where Ray heroically saves Gav from bad guys, Ray doesn’t know, but Michael’s eyes narrow then widen in quick succession.

 And he looks at Gav like he’s never seen him before, then wheels around and stares at Ray, and his entire face goes a splotchy red and white. Ray drops his controller. This must be what it’s like to watch a volcano erupt or a comet shoot down, or be Gavin Free, because Ray’s heart stops and the entire world slows the fuck down – it takes Michael a million years, the birth and death of a thousand galaxies, to open his mouth and yell "WHAT THE FLYING FUCK – " before Ray comes out of his horror-shame trance and flies across the distance between their desks – haha, looks like all that Gaiden paid off because he soars like a fucking butterfly – and clamps his hands over Michael’s mouth.

 Michael’s next few words are muffled against his hand and eww, Ray can feel spit. But when Gavin pauses and looks at them, blinking and startled and mouth half-open, Ray manages to babble something about cooling Rage Quit down before leading Michael away and slamming them both into a nearby closet.

 The door closes behind them but there’s a lamp that Ray clicks on. They’re bathed in orangey-yellow light like fire, and Michael’s face is utterly still.

 Ray bites the inside of his mouth. Looks like the jig is up. "Michael – "

Michael doesn’t let him finish. He doesn’t even let him start. Apparently, those two syllables were enough for him to figure everything out – stupid goddamn best friend – and he slumps down against the wall. "You have got to be fucking kidding me,” he says. “God damn it."

Several tense moments pass before Ray can manage to speak. "Yeah."

"But – but – " Okay, Michael is definitely spluttering. "He’s _Gavin_! And you’re _Ray_!"

Ray releases a breath. "Yeah, well. I mean…need a chart to help you figure this out?" He steals a quick glance at Michael, and then looks away. The inside of his chest feels like he’s being scraped raw.

"Unless that chart is the ratings for this episode of Punk’d, I think I’m good," Michael grumbles.

 Hesitantly, Ray sits next to him, close enough for their arms to brush. (It’s a small closet, what can he say). His head’s spinning. For all that he’s told himself that he needed to have this conversation, he didn’t expect it to be in the middle of work and with Michael sounding so…edgy. "Are you mad?" he asks in a small voice.

 Michael turns his head to stare at Ray. It’s dark in the closet, but Ray can see well enough that he can tell that Michael looks absolutely goddamn incredulous. "Why would I be mad?!"

"Uhh…" For all that the fear of Michael's reaction has been haunting him, that thought has not occurred to Ray. He pauses. Because Michael likes Gavin? But that's not true; Ray knows that's not true. Duh. So why...?

Jealousy flickers at his chest; the jealousy of swimmy bevs. Huh.

Maybe Ray is just a goddamn idiot. But then, he knows that already. He needs a walkthrough or something.

He's drawn out of his thoughts by Michael.

"I’m fucking shocked is what I am." Michael’s voice is rising in indignation. "How long has this been going on?"

 And okay, Ray really can’t read him at this point. Which is – well – he’s known Michael for a long time. Their brains are on the same wavelength. He squints at Michael, then carefully says "A few months."

"A few _months?_ " Michael is shocked. "Jesus, dude."

"What can I say." Ray leans back and looks up at nothing in particular. "Love is hard."

"Love, huh." Michael's voice sounds weird. He doesn't sound mad or hurt or disgusted, just...weird. "Well, Ray, let me tell you something about _love_." He bumps his shoulder against Ray's. They're so close Ray can feel Michael's breath. And then Michael tells him.

Love? Love is like the **_shittiest_** tower you have to climb over and over again. If you fall, you have fuck-all to show for it but scraped hands and the taste of blood. But if you rise, and if you manage to defeat the fucking dragon asshole, well, then – you find the princess and live happily ever after.

  
"Except in your case, I guess the princess is _Gavin._ " Michael scrunches his nose like the most nonplussed pitbull in the world.

Ray has been still for the entirety of the explanation, breath held in a mix of anticipation in hope. At that last sentence, he lets out a soft sound, and then he can’t help it – he throws his head back and laughs.

“Oh my god,” he says, and steals a glance at Michael to see him smiling slightly, too. “What a terrible mental image.”

“Yeah, well, you deserve it you asshole,” Michael says, and then they’re silent for a little while.

Ray feels…happy. Unloaded. Like a terrible weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Jealousy, huh? Nothing more. Nothing less. Michael’s still his friend.

He’s musing over this, running the fact in his mind over and over again, examining it from all angles when Michael breaks the silence.

"I can’t believe you didn’t tell me,"  he says, soft and fond, bumping his shoulder into his. "I could’ve helped you out, asshole."

"Well, I would’ve told you," Ray says, and has to fight to contain the stupid smile threatening to burst out. "Except – "

" _What_?" Michael snaps at him, and even in the semi-darkness, Ray can see the concern in his eyes. His chest fills with helium – there’s Michael, his BFF, secretly the sweetest dude on the planet. No matter what, Ray thinks, no matter how much of an idiot he’s been, if it weren’t for Michael he’d probably be lying dead in a ditch somewhere. Michael is such a fucking loser. Ray can’t believe he thought he was the dragon in this story.

"Except we used to be better friends," he finishes, and watches Michael’s face freeze before dissolving into a scowl.

"You piece of shit." Michael punches him in the arm, and then Ray is snorting because Michael looks so _pissy_ , and then Michael reluctantly breaks into a grin, and then they’re both laughing and laughing and laughing, and the tension of the past few minutes dissolves.

 _Achievement Unlocked:_  
**10G Are you fucking kidding me?!**  
Get your head pulled out of your ass by MLP Michael.

After their bout of hilarity passes, Michael wipes his hand over his face. "You’re an asshole. I fucking hate you so much."

 The words are harsh. But - there’s just so much love in Michael’s voice. It makes Ray’s breath catch. Ray sees it now. It’s Michael asking him why he gave his ammo to Gavin, a drunken "love you" through a pillow, an apology muffin, the journal post on his birthday, playing Wheel of Fortune and not getting any answers right. The tone is – Ray has been soloing a co-op game on Nightmare. But Michael’s been his Player 2 all along.

"Love you too, bro." The words are a bit more heartfelt than he usually goes for. But Ray can’t bring himself to care. "Hug?" He spreads his arms out invitingly.

 Michael sighs, hard and fast but still with that damned fondness. "Sure. But only because you spent the last half an hour looking like someone shot your puppy." And then Ray has his arms around Michael’s shoulders and Michael has his arms around Ray’s waist, and it’s the fucking gayest shit ever and Ray doesn’t even point that out. If Michael’s a dragon, his breath melts the shard of ice in Ray’s heart and warmth is spreading through him like a drug and he can’t stop smiling.

 Of course, that’s when the door opens.

 "Uh." Lindsay stands there, backlist by the light coming through the door, and her mouth is a perfect O. "Ray? Michael? What are you guys…doing." She squints at them.

 And maybe it’s the helium in Ray’s chest or the warmth in his veins, but he doesn’t hesitate a second before grinding down into Michal. "Ohh, baby," he groans. "Harder now – oh shit. Lindsay?!" He does an exaggerated double take, pointedly not looking into Michael’s gaping face because if he does, he’ll laugh.

 Lindsay looks bemused for a split second before understanding dawns and her hands fly to her face. "Oh, oh my god," she says. "You guys are – oh no, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to – I…" she trails off. Her face is turning red to match her hair. "You and Michael?"

"Shit." Ray pushes himself up. "Uh, please don’t tell anyone about – "

"Ray, no!" Michael cries, finally taking in the situation. He tries to scramble up from under Ray, accidentally smashing his head into Ray’s cheek. "Lindsay, he’s full of bullshit. We were just hanging out! Ray, what the fuck?!"

Ray gasps exaggeratedly. "What? Is this what this means to you?" He stares down at Michael. "You’re an asshole, you know that?"

There is a moment where Ray isn’t sure what to do, but then he is. There’s a carton of hot chocolate mix above him; he grabs it, and with one smooth motion, dumps it into Michael’s hair. The brown powder makes its way everywhere. And then he springs to his feet, whirls around and pushes past Lindsay, who’s still looking shell-shocked. He sprints off to the background sound of Michael’s furious shrieks.

 He only makes it down a couple of hallways before he collapses against the wall to laugh and laugh and laugh. Lindsay and Michael’s faces were priceless. He’s sure Lindsay will figure out what happened quickly (Ray being an asshole was a bajillion times more likely than Ray and Michael secretly banging in a supply closet in the middle of a workday), but he will never forget this.

  He’s still giggling when a shadow falls over him. It’s Gavin, and he scrunches his eyebrows at him.

"Hey, X-Ray," he says, and the laughter dies in Ray’s throat. "What’s so funny?"

"Well, uh," Ray says, and coughs a bit. "I made Lindsay think me and Michael were banging. And then I dumped chocolate powder in his hair. Michael was pissed."

 Gavin laughs. "What, really?" As always, the ‘what’ comes out more as a _wot_. It's cute. It's really fucking cute. "And she bought that?"

"What?" Ray wiggles his eyebrows. "Who wouldn’t want to tap this?"

"I would, in a _heartbeat_ ," Gavin says, and even though Ray _knows_ he’s joking, he feels his cheeks heat up and doesn’t reply.

Gavin stands there and looks at him. The smile from the joke fades away, and he’s just looking at Ray. There’s a twist in his expression that Ray can’t read. He looks – well – his hair sticks up stupidly and his nose is still ginormous and he’s wearing a shirt with something Ryan said on it and shorts, and Ray wants him with every fiber of his being.

 "Ray," Gavin says, and his voice is soft. "Ray, are you mad at me?"

 "What?" Ray blinks. Genuinely taken aback. "Why would I be mad at you?"

 Gavin shrugs, and there’s a frown marring his expression. "I don’t know," he says unhappily. "You’ve been avoiding me for a while now. Is it something – " He swallows back his words, and looks away. Fiddles with his phone.

 "I – " Ray could tell him right here, if he had the heart. Instead, he swallows. "I could never be mad at you, Vav." He smiles up. The helium in his chest is deflating, pop, goodbye balloon that is Ray’s happiness. "Just been tired, that’s all. Go film Michael splutter his way out of an explanation, dude, this is a once in a lifetime kinda deal."

 Gavin jams his hands into his pockets. He frowns, before shooting Ray a faded smile. "Yeah, alright," he says. He pokes his foot forward and nudges Ray’s foot. "See you in a bit, X-Ray." Shooting Ray one last glance, he walks off into the direction of the closet.

 Ray stares at his knees, all remnants of his previous giddiness gone. His mouth is arid and his palms are sweaty.

 He’s almost out of lives.

 _Achievement Unlocked:_  
**50G Cream of the crop.**  
Solicit advice and approval from co-workers, 4/4.

 When Ray innocently signs on to Skype that night to chat with some of his online friends, he’s not expecting an immediate voicecall from one Michael V. Jones. He probably should have been. He has a moment of uncertainty – the conversation would just be so damn awkward – but Ray pictures Michael and Lindsay’s faces from the closet and is grinning as he hits ‘Accept’.

"You motherfucker," Michael tells him immediately, voice crackling over the Internet. "You absolute piece of shit."

"Uh, sorry, dude," Ray says, not sorry at all.

"You’re not sorry at all," Michael accuses him. "I spent ten minutes convincing Lindsay that nothing happened between us. And partway through Gav barges in with a camera, claiming you sent him."

"Hey, that wasn’t planned," Ray says. "Did he get any good footage?"

"He got footage of me punching him," Michael says, ominous. "No footage of me hitting you in the dick though."

"No! Not my dick! It’s small enough already - it can’t take any more compression!"

"You wish it’ll be compressed after I’m done with it," Michael says. He pauses. "So. You gonna talk to Gav about it?"

Any remnants of the good mood Ray had fled. "Do I have to?" he whined. "I'm okay toiling in unrequited love for the rest of my days."

"Look," Michael tells him. "You have two options. You either tell him, or you don’t."

"Wow, super good advice there." The words come out harsher than he wanted them to, and he winces. He’s being an asshole. That's not fair to Michael, so he softens his voice. "Uh, sorry, dude. I'm full of the vinegar tonight."

"Shut the fuck up," Michael says, which is his version of an 'it's fine'. It's also his version of an apology, and a thank you, and also a hello. Michael's a complicated person in the simplest way possible. “Listen, I was being nice before. You don’t have a choice, dude. You have to tell him.”

 Ray knows this. He tries to think of himself as a decent person, more or less. But he doesn’t want to.

 His silence must have done all the speaking for him – or maybe Michael just knows Ray that well – because Michael lets out a huge sigh.

"I can’t make this easier for you, Boman,” Michael tells him. “But I can tell you this about Gav. He’s not going to hate you if you tell him. He might be awkward for a bit, but he likes you too much to let this ruin your friendship. So if he does have a crush on you? He’s _never_ going to fucking speak up. He’s even more terrified of rejection than you are, amazingly."

"Amazingly," Ray echoes.

Michael laughs. "Yeah, you’re the social anxiety duo. So at least you have that in common."

"But he – " It's hard to vocalize what he wants to say, something about Chinese food and chopsticks versus going out to bars and taking a million selfies and spending his nights with a prodigious amount of women. "I don’t think I’m – Gavin’s pretty goddamn awesome. He’s all…outgoing and shit. I barely leave the house.”

"He's also the guy that doesn't look at himself in the mirror in the morning, and still doesn't really think we're good friends," Michael says, blunt as fuck. "Gav's outgoing, but you've got the self-confidence thing down pat. You'll be good for him," he adds, voice going soft.

And that sort of shuts down whatever Ray was going to say. He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. Instead, he sits in silence for a while, hands curling and uncurling – no sword to bleed on – and thinks for a while about Gavin Free, and how what Michael said was true.

He’s never going to really get Gavin, no matter how long he knows him. He doesn’t think anyone really gets him. Not Michael, not Burnie, not Geoff. Probably not his own family. Probably no one in the world, ever, could be completely privy to what’s going on in that messed up brain of his.

…And that’s kind of what Ray loves about him.

“Seriously,” Michael says, softly. “Ask him out, okay? If he says no, I’ll give you a blowjob or something. Promise.”

“Okay,” Ray whispers. “Okay.”

* * *

 

Ray thinks, later that night. He’s playing Call of Duty to distract himself, but it’s not working. On the loading screen, he keeps thinking about it – Gavin’s face, his smile, the awkward way he looks when he doesn’t know what to say.

Rat squeezes his hands together. His palms are clammy. All the warmth he'd felt, Michael and Lindsay, Jack and Ryan and Geoff, it's still burning in his heart, but a layer of icy cold fear separates him from it.

 The problem isn’t that Gavin might not like boys, or that he might like Michael. The real problem is that he might not like Ray. The real problem is that that shard of ice resting safe and hidden behind his heart, it’s that the words "I want to make him happy" aren’t the words "I want him to be happy". The real problem is that Ray can’t say anything. The dragon he has to fight, to save the princess? It’s not Michael – it’s never been Michael. It’s his own lack of courage, it’s Gavin’s hapless smile and the thing it does to Ray’s vocal chords.

 He has to try, at least. But Ray has never been more terrified.

(Give him a gun and a zombie apocalypse and he’ll be fine. Give him love? BrownMan is _screwed_.)

* * *

The next day, he’s confronted by Lindsay in the kitchen. He’s just grabbing some chips for himself, guiltily (they’re Kerry’s chips that he very specifically said were for RWBY crew only) when Lindsay comes up to him and punches him in the shoulder.

"You’re such an asshole," she tells him. "Making me think you and Michael were. You know."

"Playing Icky Cookie with each others’ anuses?" Ray offers helpfully, and barely dodges the second punch. "Jesus, Lindsay."

"Don’t cross me, Mr. Narvaez," Lindsay says, shaking her finger at him, and Ray snorts. Michael says his name the exact same way, all correct pronunciation inundated with exasperation and a healthy dose of affection. Ray has the greatest fucking friends. Ever.

 Lindsay leans back against the counter. "But it _was_ pretty funny," she admits. "Michael’s _face_." She laughs at the memory of it, and her laughter is bright and infectious enough that Ray joins in. She doesn’t even seem mad about the chips.

 And maybe it’s the memory of Michael’s voice and his epiphany (you only fight the dragons you create), that Ray blurts out "What if I _was,_ though?"

 His tone is all funny. Lindsay’s laugh falters, and she squints at him. Ray stares down at his feet. Something must tip her off, because her voice softens. "You mean gay?"

 Ray really, really hopes nobody decides to use the kitchen right this moment. "Bi. To be precise."

And suddenly Lindsay pushes forward and puts a hand on his shoulder. Her smile is kind. "Ray, I want to be an actress," she says. "I know so many gay people. All the gay people. Nobody cares."

"…Wait, you know _all_ the gay people?"

Lindsay nods. "Yep. All the gay people in the world. Every single one."

"Well, as a bi dude," Ray says, and pauses to get used to the shape of the words in his mouth. "Hi?"

Lindsay grins, and reaches in for a hug. "Hi," she says.

Ray hugs back. Hugging her gives him the same fizzy feeling that hugging Michael did. To reiterate: Ray has the greatest fucking friends in the world. "It’s the first time I’ve told anyone, you know," he says into her hair. "I mean. People guessed. Uh…a lot of people guessed. But."

Lindsay pulls back and flutters her eyelashes. "I’m honored."

"Ray, are you eating my fucking chips?!"

They both flinch from the unexpected volume. Kerry is standing in the doorway, and he looks upset.

"Um," Ray says. "Nooo?" He wipes at the crumbs around his mouth guiltily.

"You’re an asshole," Kerry tells him. "Lindsay, why didn't you stop him?!"

"Um," Lindsay says guiltily, and then she and Ray look at each other and crack up, even as Kerry fumes at them.

"Sorry, man," Ray says after he calmed down a little, though Lindsay's still giggling. "Best friends forever?" He gives a cheesy grin.

"You suck," Kerry tells him. "You suck and are a terrible human being and I hate you."

"Love you too," Ray says, and it's true as much as anything. Warmth is flowing from his veins and his friends are fucking awesome and he loves them all - even Kerry making mad faces at him.

Later, after Kerry had bullied a promise to buy more chips out of him, he's sitting down on his desk and starting his editing when he gets a text. He fumbles with his phone and looks at it, only to clap a hand over his mouth so that no one would see his stupid grin.

 **Lindsay TheTuggLyfe  
** Btw, after that episode in the closet yesterday, Michael asked me out! Thought you should know. <3

Michael so owed him.

* * *

He waits until the end of the work day to approach Gavin. Conveniently, Gavin is behind on his editing and has to stay back to finish up, so Ray hangs around too. Geoff leaves to go pick up his daughter from school, and the rest of Achievement Hunter fades away one by one, Michael throwing Ray a loaded look before he leaves.

 At half past six, when Gavin begins to yawn and Ray is ahead on his editing by, like, a week, he leans over and pokes his friend.

This is it, he thinks, in a vague, hazy way. This is the endgame - the final boss. Ray wishes he was in a zombie shooter, and that he had a shotgun in his hands; he wishes that he was in a Minecraft Let’s Play and had a dashing suit and roses; he wishes he was playing Mario and had an inflatable Baby Yoshi; he wishes he had a fucking magic sword to fight the dragon.

 But he’s not, and he doesn’t, and he’s not BrownMan, he’s Ray Narvaez Jr.

"Hey, Vav," he says and winces, because he’s been overplaying the X-Ray and Vav card lately. He sounds so clingy, he thinks, but of course X-Ray and Vav is > than Team Nice Dynamite, right?...Ray thinks that maybe, just maybe, he’s becoming a little hysterical. "Wanna go grab dinner tonight?" he chokes out instead.

"X-Ray! Sounds top," Gavin says, completely unsuspecting. He grins at Ray. "Want me to invite Michael and Lindsay?"  
  
Ray swallows. "Actually, I think they’re doing something tonight. Date night or whatever." He’s lied before, but this feels dirty.

"Huh," Gavin says, and there is nothing suspicious in his voice or face. "How about - "

Ray interrupts him before he's done, knowing that if Gavin starts going down a list of their acquaintances he won't be able to stop a third wheel. "I’ll pay." He shoves his hand in his pocket and withdraws his wallet and wiggles it in Gavin’s face, like he’s a millionaire with stacks of cash instead of a guy who plays video games for a living.

Gavin’s eyebrow goes right up. He's thrown completely off topic. "Really, Ray? You’ll pay?"

Ray shrugs. The inside of his mouth tastes like cotton and blood. "Well, you know. I mean. Why not?" He carefully doesn’t look at Gavin and examines the sky behind Gav’s head. through the window, instead – it’s a sea of blossom pink and fiery orange. Sunset. 

"You wouldn’t put _one dollar_ on a Monopoly game, but now you’re buying me dinner?" Gavin sounds disbelieving. Who knew that growing up hyper-aware of money would bring Ray to _this_?

"To make up for giving you the cold shoulder," Ray says, and blinks in surprise at himself. He hadn't thought of that. But it works. He smiles at Gavin. "Come on. Please?" He bats his eyelashes.

Gavin stares at him for a second, before his face turns warm and happy. He elbows him and laughs. "What a gentleman. I’m swooning right now, a little bit."

"What can I say," Ray says. "It’s that Tuxedo mask charm."

Gavin finished up his editing, "Because bugger it, I'm not doing any more tonight – Geoff can suck my knob", and then they go. Ray's entire soul is ablaze with nervousness. He shifts back and forth as they walk to the restaurant. A Chinese restaurant, because Gav likes Chinese well enough and it's fancier than any of the burger joints they could have frequented without being suspiciously fancy.

(Okay, Ray is officially overthinking it.)

After they're seated and a smiling waitress takes their orders, Ray is too nervous for small talk but Gavin fills the space. He props his head on his hand, and, smile brilliant, talks about their recent Let's Plays, and the games he's been playing at home, and the Happy Hour he filmed with Geoff and Griffon, and how YouTube commenters on the latest Slow Mo Guys video were ignorant assholes who didn’t know shit about framerates. Ray realizes with a start that he's missed this. Maybe he has been ignoring Gavin lately. Way to break it, hero, he thinks to himself.

 When the food comes and when they dig in is time to strike.

“Hey, Gav,” he says, his voice inquisitive. Gavin shoots him a glance and smiles.

“Yeah?” he asks, after swallowing down his food.

“I need to tell you something.”

Gavin pauses, and gives him another look – loaded this time. “Um, okay? Shoot.”

"Gav," Ray says. "I think I _like_ you." He says that the same way he would say "I think I’m drowning".

 Gavin blinks at him, guileless as can be. "I like you too, Ray," he says. "X-Ray and Vav, right?" He grins that fiery grin.

Ray swallows. Final boss, huh? "Yeah, but...I kind of like you in the totally gay way."

 Gavin -

 (Ray has watched a lot of cheesy TV shows and this is as cheesy as it gets, the love confession over Chinese and under the soft light of paper lanterns, but he’s never properly appreciated the swooping sensation of losing balance and having no idea if there’s fall damage or not, or the way terror and love mix together to form an icy cold grip around his heart and his throat)

\- flinches, drawing in on himself as fast a whip. His eyes go round and his pupils shrink, and for one agonizing moment he looks like a deer in headlights. And then…Ray could only describe it as his face locking down. Gavin’s entire expression smoothes out like laundry being ironed, and Ray feels like vomiting all over the shiny red table, and Gavin’s face is carefully, deliberately blank.

 Ray breathes in, a sharp pain in his throat. He suspected this might happen; he might not understand Gavin but he knows him, knows the shields Gavin throws up when shit gets real, when they’re not joking around anymore. He knows him, but it still feels like a shotgun in his heart, the loss of Gavin's smile. Damage: critical.

Boss fights are a fucking pain. (Except this isn’t a game and Gavin isn’t a boss, they’re just two friends with a shitload of awkward in between them, and there’s no save points or _anything_ : this is real life, and Ray isn’t good at it.)

"Ray – " Gavin says, and blinks furiously. He clears his throat. " _Ray,_ " he says again helplessly. "I don’t – I don’t think I can – "

This is sad. Like watching a baby deer stumble, or an apocalypse razing down everything you love, or a rare item get picked up by your mortal enemy. Ray swallows down bile. "It’s okay, dude," he says, and fumbles for his phone which lays beside him. "I get it. It’s not your fault. I understand. Sorry for springing this on you." He looks down, unwilling to make eye contact. "Still friends?"

"Always," Gavin says, too fast and too serious for his usual self.

"Well," Ray says. "That’s good. I’m glad we’re still cool. Sorry for making things awkward. I’ll just – " He stands up. This is what a game over screen feels like in real life. You're dead, you fucking piece of shit. Try again. But there’s no resetting this scenario. "Sorry. See you at work – " He fumbles with his wallet, grabs a couple of twenties to pay for their meal. He throws them down sloppily beside his dessert plate, hoping that Gavin would straighten them out, and is halfway out of his chair when Gavin yells.  
  
"Wait!"

Ray stops. Gavin is looking at him, face unreadable. And then he opens his mouth, and starts talking.

This is what Gavin tells him:

 Gavin spends his entire day looking at Ray. Ray is – Ray is funny, and great at games, and an introvert, and self-assured and confident in a way Gavin never could be,  and an awesome friend, and he doesn't need alcohol to tell people he likes them without choking on the vast sea of himself.  
 Gavin spends the entire day looking at Ray because even though Ray thinks he’s the type to fade into the background, in reality he draws attention just because he’s so _Ray-like_.  
 And Michael spends the entire day looking at Ray too, because Ray makes him laugh and laugh and laugh. And Ryan looks too, and Geoff, and Jack, and Gavin joins in on the looking bit because Ray is funny but also because he likes Ray's smile, and Ray's face, and Ray's noises, and the way he laughs, because he just plain likes Ray  
       likes Ray a lot more than he really should  
                 likes Ray enough -

"That maybe we can try it out?"

 Gavin is pale and unsure, chewing his lip, and he can’t meet Ray’s eyes.

“Uh.”

Ray’s mind stalls. He’s staring at Gavin, and Gavin isn’t staring at him, and what the _fuck has just happened_?

“Um.”

At this point, Gavin looks up at him. “Did you hear me?” he says, and he sounds a little bit annoyed, but in that Gavin way where he’s not really annoyed at all, just thinks he should be.

“Yeah, I…I heard.” Ray swallows. He sits back down. “Awesome.”

They sit in silence for a few minutes, finishing up their food. Ray steals glances every now and then, trying to reassure himself this is real. It is. Gavin is slowly gaining color back to his face.

Eventually, they start making small talk again. Ray bumps his hand every now and then against Gavin’s, unsurely, but Gavin bumps back. It’s the most awkward date that’s ever happened. But it’s also…kind of nice?

What an awkward boss battle.

Later, after they finish dinner (Ray pays, true to his words, which makes Gavin furrow his brow in adorable confusion because apparently he’d been absolutely expecting Ray to flake out), they walk outside. There’s not too many people out – it’s late for dinner, and those who like partying went to Fifth Street already. There’s a few people out, mostly couples, but they’re mostly alone, lit up in the orange of the street light.

He looks over everything, at Gavin, who still looks weird and pale and nervous, and he has an idea.

“Wait here,” he tells Gavin, who nods his assent before Ray takes off.

There’s a guy selling flowers. Roses, that is. They’re overpriced as fuck – Ray could’ve eaten, like, five hamburgers for one rose – but he pays anyway. It’s a lovely rose, red and in full bloom.

When he gets back to Gavin, Gavin is openly gaping at him.

“Uh,” Gavin says. “Did you just buy me a bloody rose?” He looks absolutely nonplussed.

“Well, you know.” Ray says, and shoves the rose in Gavin’s hand. “You do make sure I always get some in the Minecraft Let’s Plays.”  
  
“I also like drowning them,” Gavin reminds him, but he doesn’t let go of the rose. He doesn’t clutch at it, either, not like the girls Ray’s given roses to, but the sight of his fingers on the petals, pale on red, distract Ray enough from feeling too upset. He shifts on the balls of his feet, back and forth a little, blood singing with nerves and triumph.

 Gavin smiles at him, and even though he still looks a little pale, he tucks the rose into his shirt pocket.

Ray is about to leave it at that – his mind is still reeling. Best not to push his luck, introvert that he is.

But then he looks over at Gavin yet again – Gavin with his unsure face, the way his face is closed off and the paleness of him, his pretty eyes and his pretty hair and his stupid T-shirt with something he said on it – and Ray thinks - YOLO, right? YOLO in an ironic way, and damn has he got to stop saying that, but he’s inching closer to Gavin, and the way Gavin’s eyelashes flutter is just not fair, and he holds his hands to either side of Gavin’s face, and Gavin’s skin feels like happily ever after (which is the sappiest thing Ray has ever thought), and he brings his lips to Gavin’s.

 The kiss is awkward: Ray hasn’t kissed that many people in his life, not _seriously,_ and this is serious as a heart attack or being on round 17 in Call of Duty Zombies and running out of ammo faster than you can blink and your entire team depending on you despite you being an awkward unfunny loser, and Gavin is still taken aback and cautious and mind probably racing a million miles a minute, sniper that he is. Their teeth clack together, and Gavin’s lips are chapped, but his mouth is warm and soft, and Ray nearly bites his own tongue clean off. When Gavin starts kissing back, his hand clutches the back of Ray's shirt and his gargantuan nose bumps into Ray’s cheek. It's basically the awkwardest thing in the world.

…It’s still the best kiss Ray has ever had.

(Okay, maybe _that’s_ the sappiest thing Ray has ever thought.)

... <3

When Ray was drowning in a campaign he had no chance of winning, he got advice from four people he loves. Jack told him that love was like building a house. Geoff told him that love was holding back someone's hair as they puked. Ryan told him love was a confusing metaphor. And Michael told him that love was like fighting a dragon.

 What Ray has with Gavin though? Well...

 Ray builds a relationship from jokes and roses and stolen glances, but he thinks of Jack buying him hot chocolate because he knows he hates coffee, so he lays the foundation of a love that shines through the little things, brick by brick by brick.

 Ray loves to live in a world where he's the only one that exists, a bubble of isolation and video games, but he thinks of Geoff driving him home at three in the night, so he hammers out a door and visits Gav outside (even if visiting sunshiny Gavin includes beaches, ice cream and an aching vulnerability).

And sometimes his relationship kind of sucks – when they’re fighting, or Gavin’s off flying around the world, or when they’re both being weird and awkward and hating themselves, but Ray think of Ryan sharing pizza and hot chocolate with him, and he keeps it simple: he loves Gavin, and wants to share a lifetime with him. That’s all that matters.

Ray, well, he climbed a tower and fought a dragon to get his relationship, but obviously that didn't work out fantastically, so instead he calls up Michael for a boost, or Lindsay, or Barbara, or Ryan, or Jack, or Geoff, or anyone. What's a tower without a rope to help you get up? What's a dragon without a friend to smack you over the head and tell him that dragons don't exist, dumbass, get back to work?

And sometimes, he calls up Gavin, because Gavin is not a tower, thank you very much, though he doesn't much mind being climbed.

So. Some people he loves, a bunch of hot chocolate, and a boyfriend whose eyes glitter like a dragon’s gold when he has a wicked idea, and a smile like sunshine.

Not bad.

* * *

Work is great, too. Ray had been worried that maybe their relationship would affect their dynamic in a way that might cause problems for Geoff – he likes Gavin a lot, but he refuses to get him into trouble – but if anything, it makes it better.

Ray doesn’t feel so isolated anymore. They don’t switch their seating arrangements, because that’d be stupid, but Gavin starts shooting him more grins over Michael’s head. He insists that he did this before and Ray had just missed all of them, too focused on his screen, but either way, it’s nice.

The banter is great, too. Like when they’re playing a new FPS and Ray walks up right behind Geoff, who’s scratching his nose (real life), and melee-kills him in one hit (virtual life). He giggles to himself while Geoff makes a dying whale noise.

“Suck a dick, dude,” Geoff spits out at him. Michael snickers in the background, and Ray bites down a grin.

“Maybe I will,” he says, and shoots Gavin a smoldering look. Gavin chuckles his breathless chuckle. The smile falls off of Michael’s face fast as a whip – his own laughter stops abruptly.

Gavin can barely breathe for his snickering. “Thanks – thanks for the support, Geoff. You’re a ship shape wingman. Hey, baby,” he adds in his fake-sexy voice at Ray.

Jack snorts at that. Geoff groans. “Aw, dicks, I can’t use that as an insult anymore, can I.”

“No, go right ahead,” Ray says. “Maybe, uh, I’ll think of you tonight.” He falls silent, for effect, while Michael tries to murder him with his eyes.

Geoff sighs. “Gavin and Ray are, like, the worst people in the world to be dating,” he says, more to the audience than them. He has apparently given up on them as a lost cause. “We never should’ve left them alone together.”

“That’s okay,” Ray says. “We don’t mind people watching.”

At the same time, Michael goes, “Yeah, and I’m stuck sitting in between them all the – _oh my god Ray.”_

Pretty much everyone laughs at that.

“Seriously, the worst,” Geoff gripes.

“Oh, come on,” Gavin says, in his shit-eating tone of voice. “We can’t be that bad.”

“Can’t be that bad,” Geoff mocks him. “Alright. Ray. Name one worse person for you to be dating than Gavin.”

“Well, I mean. Hitler.”

 Geoff’s retort dies on his lips. Everyone starts laughing again, including Geoff, and Ryan goes _“Jesus_ ” in the way that means he finds it funny but probably shouldn’t and also he’s jealous that he didn’t come up with it first.

 “Jesus Christ, dude,” Geoff says. “Are we going to have to censor this video?”

“Ray’s right, though,” Gavin says. “Dating Hitler would be way worse.”

“Jesus,” it’s Jack’s turn to say. He’s laughing too though, under all the appalled glances.  
  
Geoff sighs. “I guess I can’t argue with that.”

And then they’re back to yelling at Ryan for flubbing words and Jack for being boring and Geoff for sucking and this is the happiest Ray has ever been.

* * *

Michael and Gavin still spend an extraordinary amount of Let’s Plays either flirting jokingly or pretending to hump, but Ray doesn’t mind so much anymore because any time they do, he just does it twice as hard and thrice as long in real life later at night, with Gavin smiling fierce and bright up to him and an intoxicating concoction of love and pleasure sparking like a supernova in his chest, in his blood, a fiery heat between his legs.

After the first time it happens, Ray collapses bonelessly on the bed, beside Gavin. “Achievement Completed – get in GavinoFree’s pants. 50G.”

Gavin looks sideways at him, eyes dark and luminous, and snickers. “Only a fifty? I’m worth at least twice that, Ray, don’t be an utter mug.”

Ray laughs despite himself, “A mug, huh?", and dodges Gavin's half-hearted elbow.

"You suck," Gavin tells him and sticks his tongue out at him, and then Ray _has_ to lean down and kiss the argument out of him. When they're done, several long, brilliant moments later, Ray smiles down softly.

“You’re worth, like, infinity gamer points,” he says. “So it’s good this isn’t a game. Don’t wanna break physics with our combined awesome.”

Gavin stares at him for a moment, deer in headlights, but the looks fades and he then smiles slowly and fiercely, the one smile that makes Ray’s stomach flutter like crazy. “X-Ray and Vav versus the fabric of reality.”

"Reality has no chance against us."

And it doesn't.

 **ÂÂchïϷɇvɇmðnt UnlØcked:** ScÒÂre  
∞G GȈÒt in žGaØwindfovjzxFdcevrebb;!@bbb

//error: file corrupted//  
//please quit game//  
==> QUIT

 Love isn’t a game, so Ray isn’t good at it – he’s only ever really good at sarcasm and video games and having awesome friends and making people laugh and eating with chopsticks while holding a controller and making stupid faces at a camera and blowjobs (allegedly) and thinking up catchphrases – but he doesn’t perpetually feel the need to win anymore, and Gavin makes it fun anyway, so it might be even _better_.


End file.
